In my therapy sessions I often hear a sentence repeated by many people: "I don't know who I am any more. I don't understand what I'm feeling." If you too have ever had this feeling, I want you to know you are not alone. Learning how to get in touch with yourself is one of the most important steps towards improving your mental health, reducing anxiety, managing stress and living with more calm. However, many people don't realise they have drifted away from themselves until they start to feel emotionally exhausted, lose motivation or experience ongoing distress. For this very reason, let's look at this topic as if we were sitting together in a psychology session.

What does it mean to get in touch with yourself?

Getting in touch with yourself doesn't mean becoming a different person. On the contrary, it means stopping for a few minutes and listening carefully to what is happening inside you. It's the moment when you give yourself permission to feel, reflect and understand your emotions without judging them. Ask yourself:
  • How do I feel right now?
  • What is bothering me?
  • What do I need now?
  • Am I living according to my own wishes or according to other people's expectations?
At first you may not have clear answers. However, the very fact that you start asking yourself these questions is the first step towards self-awareness, self-knowledge and personal development.

Why is being in touch with yourself important?

When you understand your thoughts, emotions and needs, it becomes easier to make healthy decisions, set boundaries and build better relationships with others. What's more, being in touch with yourself helps you better manage anxiety, stress and life's difficult situations. In fact, being in touch with yourself doesn't take you away from reality. On the contrary, it helps you face it with more clarity, self-confidence and emotional balance. As a result, the better you know yourself, the easier it becomes to live in line with your values, needs and goals.

Why do we lose touch with ourselves?

Many people spend years taking care of their family, work and daily responsibilities. Over time, they forget to take care of themselves and to listen to what they feel. As a consequence, the following may appear:
  • Anxiety.
  • Chronic stress.
  • Emotional exhaustion.
  • Lack of motivation.
  • Insecurity.
  • A feeling of emptiness.
For example, when we constantly try to meet other people's expectations, we begin to neglect our own needs. That is exactly when we lose our connection with our emotions and find it harder to understand what is good for us. So the problem isn't that you aren't strong. In reality, the problem is that you have spent too long without listening to yourself.

How to get in touch with yourself: 5 practical steps

In therapy I don't try to give the client answers straight away. Instead, I try to help them find the answers within themselves. You too can begin this process by taking a few small steps every day.

1. Listen to your emotions without judging them

Instead of telling yourself: "I shouldn't feel like this." Try saying: "I'm feeling this emotion. What is it trying to tell me?" Every emotion carries a message. So instead of fighting it or hiding it, try to understand it. Emotions often show us what our true needs are.

2. Find a few minutes of quiet every day

First, try stepping away for a few minutes from your phone, social media and everyday noise. Only then will you find it easier to hear your thoughts and emotions. Even just 10 minutes a day can make a big difference to your emotional well-being.

3. Write down your thoughts and feelings

Writing helps the brain organise emotions and thoughts. What's more, it helps you understand more clearly what you are experiencing. It doesn't matter whether you write a few lines or a few pages. What matters is being honest with yourself.

4. Accept your needs

Many people take care of everyone else and forget themselves. However, your needs matter too. Ask yourself: "What do I need today?" Perhaps you need rest, a conversation with someone or simply a little peace. Self-care isn't selfishness, but a necessity for mental health.

5. Don't always seek other people's approval

The better you know yourself, the less you will feel the need for others to tell you whether you are good enough. When you learn to rely on your own values and beliefs, your self-confidence grows and greater emotional balance is created.

How does self-knowledge help reduce anxiety?

Many symptoms of anxiety get worse when we fight our emotions or try to avoid them. However, when we start listening to them and understanding them, we create more calm within ourselves. Self-knowledge doesn't make difficulties disappear straight away, but it helps us face them with more clarity and self-confidence. For this reason, psychotherapy doesn't only aim to reduce the symptoms. Above all, it aims to help you build a healthier relationship with yourself.

Finally

If you were in my office today, before you left I would give you just one question: When was the last time you truly listened to yourself? Don't wait for life to force you to stop. Instead, choose to do it today. Even if you start with just five minutes of reflection a day, you have taken the first step towards a healthier relationship with yourself. Because when you learn how to get in touch with yourself, you begin to understand your emotions, thoughts and needs. As a result, your self-confidence grows, anxiety decreases, stress is better managed, and you build a life with more calm, balance and emotional well-being. Remember: the most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.