If your child has started behaving differently, withdrawing into themselves or no longer wanting to go to school, don't ignore it. As a psychologist, I can tell you clearly: bullying often isn't visible straight away, because children hide it out of fear, shame or the belief that "nobody will believe them".

This article is a quick 1-minute test and a practical guide to help you understand whether your child may be being bullied.

✅ 1-MINUTE TEST: Is your child being bullied?

Answer YES or NO.
(If you have 3 or more "YES" answers, it's a serious signal.)

1) Has your child had a sudden change in mood?

☐ YES ☐ NO

2) Do they avoid school or often make excuses not to go?

☐ YES ☐ NO

3) Do they come home silent, irritable or burst out for no reason?

☐ YES ☐ NO

4) Have they lost self-confidence ("I'm worthless", "I'm no good")?

☐ YES ☐ NO

5) Do they have physical marks (bruises, scratches) without a clear explanation?

☐ YES ☐ NO

6) Do they often lose belongings (pencils, bags, money)?

☐ YES ☐ NO

7) Are they afraid to use their phone or do they hide the screen?

☐ YES ☐ NO

8) Has their sleep changed (insomnia, nightmares)?

☐ YES ☐ NO

9) Has their appetite changed (eating very little or a lot)?

☐ YES ☐ NO

10) Do they not want to talk about their classmates?

☐ YES ☐ NO

📌 The result (read carefully)

  • 0–2 YES: it may be normal stress, but keep an eye on it.
  • 3–5 YES: medium risk — talk to them and check.
  • 6+ YES: high risk — act immediately and seek professional help.

What is bullying (and what isn't)?

Bullying is repeated harassment intended to humiliate, frighten or isolate. It can be:

  • verbal (mockery, nicknames)
  • physical (pushing, hitting)
  • social (exclusion from the group)
  • online (cyberbullying)

An occasional conflict between children isn't bullying. Bullying is when a child constantly feels defenceless and weak in the face of another child or a group.

🧠 As a psychologist, here's what I advise you to do straight away

1) Don't pressure your child with questions

Don't say: "Who hit you?" or "Why don't you stand up for yourself?".
Tell them clearly and calmly:

"I've noticed you're different. I want to understand you, not judge you."

2) Ask with simple sentences

  • "Who makes you feel bad in class?"
  • "When does it happen most often?"
  • "Are you scared when you go to school?"

3) Don't blame them

One wrong sentence like "You're too sensitive" can shut them down for good.

4) Keep concrete notes

Write down dates, situations, names. This helps you when communicating with the school.

5) Contact the school quickly (not after 2 months)

Talk to the class teacher and the school psychologist. Ask for:

  • monitoring during breaks
  • intervention in the classroom
  • a clear protection plan

⚠️ Warning signs that require urgent help

If your child says:

  • "I don't want to live"
  • "I never want to go to school again"
  • "It would be better if I didn't exist"

Don't treat it as drama. Seek a clinical psychologist or emergency services immediately.

✅ My message to you as a parent

Bullying isn't "child's play". It's an experience that can lower self-confidence and create anxiety for years. But the good news is this: when a parent acts quickly and calmly, the child heals emotionally much faster.

If you'd like, I can also prepare a PDF checklist and a mini-guide on "What to say to your child when they tell you they're being bullied".