Have you ever wondered why you are more sensitive than others, why you find it hard to trust people, or why you react in a certain way when you face stress? These questions are directly linked to personality formation. But are we born with our personality, or is it shaped over the course of life? If we were in a psychology session, I would explain that the answer isn't just one or the other. Personality is shaped by the interaction between genetics, temperament, childhood, family, environment and life experiences.

What is personality?

Personality includes the way we think, feel, behave and react to different situations. It influences our relationships, the way we cope with stress, our self-confidence, communication and the decisions we make. From childhood we can notice differences between people. One child may be calm and reserved, while another is energetic, impulsive and very sociable. These differences are linked to temperament, which also has a biological basis. However, temperament is only the beginning of the story of personality development.

Genetics and personality formation

Genetics plays an important role in personality formation. We may be born with a tendency to be more sensitive, calmer, more impulsive or more open to new experiences. But this doesn't mean our personality is completely determined at birth. Think of it like a seed: it has its own characteristics, but the way it grows also depends on the soil, the care and the conditions in which it develops. The same happens with personality.

Childhood and personality

In therapy I might ask you: "What happened when you were a child and you expressed fear, anger or sadness?" The answer can tell us a lot. Childhood influences emotional development and the formation of personality. A child who is listened to, supported and feels safe can more easily develop self-confidence and emotional security. On the other hand, constant criticism, lack of attention, family conflict or other difficult experiences can influence the way a person perceives themselves and their relationships. For example, a child who constantly hears "you never do anything right" may grow up with a fear of making mistakes and a need for perfection.

Family and personality

The family plays an important role in personality development, because it is the first environment where we learn how relationships work. In the family we learn:
  • how love is expressed;
  • how conflicts are resolved;
  • how boundaries are set;
  • how we cope with emotions;
  • how we ask for help;
  • how we react to mistakes.
However, parents aren't the only factor. School, friendships, culture, romantic relationships and personal experiences also influence psychological development and personality.

Can personality change?

Yes. Personality has a certain stability, but it isn't completely unchangeable. New experiences, relationships, emotional awareness and psychotherapy can help a person change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour. In therapy we wouldn't try to change who you are. We would try to understand why you react the way you do. Instead of asking: "Why am I like this?" try asking: "What taught me to react like this, and what can I change today?"

Conclusion

So, are we born with our personality or do we shape it? The answer is: both. Personality formation is the result of the interaction between genetics, temperament, childhood, family, environment and life experiences. The past can explain a lot about the way you think, feel and react today. However, it doesn't have to determine your whole future. By getting to know yourself, your emotions and your patterns of behaviour better, you can develop healthier ways of forming relationships, coping with difficulties and living better with yourself.